as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
