You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
