if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
