did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
