can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
