tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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