I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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