I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
