Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
