You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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