His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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