god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
