just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
