3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
