Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
