my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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