ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
