All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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