I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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