i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
