Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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