I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
