You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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