Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
