walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
