So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
