I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize