I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
