I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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