I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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