there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
