I met the friendliest cop last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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