Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize