He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
