I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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