4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
