We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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