I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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