you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize