Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
