Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
