took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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