Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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