If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize