Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
