honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
