Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
