Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
COCAINE IS GR8
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
