chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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