I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize