Im at strip club and am horny
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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