I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am available for nakedness
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
