And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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