Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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