Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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