Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize