I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
