i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
