i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
