I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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