One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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