Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
operation have a gay friend backfired
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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