Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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