i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
