you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
