He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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