Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
