I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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