i barfeds in our rink
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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