a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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